Mako's Rant
by Black Beyond
Summary: Set in first season. Starts off with Makoto yelling about this and that, and then goes on to tell how Motoki... er... accidentally discovered who Makoto and Minako are... PG, for raving nekos, rageful Ami-chans, and fire-throwing Rei-chans. Oh, Artemis,


## Mako's Rant

By: Black Beyond

~*~

Author's Notes: This is a first season ficcy, in Sailor Jupiter's POV. If you haven't cracked a smile by the end of it, she won't be very happy. Unhappy Jupiter + Not-Smiling Reader = Trip to ER.

Capeesh?

Disclaimers: Sadly, Sailor Moon isn't mine.

Warnings: OOC, PWP, and AU (Go figure, I like this kind of stuff. Rating? Ah, I don't think it'll damage your kids too bad, Mommies and Daddies. So sod off, 'kay? They don';t have to read it and I warned you. So basically, you can't sue me! Nah nah nah nah boo booo! *sweatdrop*

~*~

> Before I even *begin* to tell you why I'm here, sit   
down, because I've got four words for you. For words you're   
going to remember, okay?  
  
I. DIDN'T. WANT. IT.  
  
Okay! Remember that? Good!  
  
Didn't want what? Or better yet, who am I?  
  
Good questions.  
  
I'm Kino Makoto. Yuppers, that's me. Sailor Jupiter,   
Princess Hera of the Silver Millenium... yeah. I think you   
understand.  
  
And, you see, I've got this little green stick, about   
the length of my hand, with an orb with the astrological   
symbol of Jupiter and a laural wreath inside of it. Not very   
large.  
  
I didn't want it.  
  
Believe it or not, a little black cat gave it to me. A   
little, black, talking cat, with a cute crescent moon on   
it's forehead.  
  
Her name was Luna. I didn't exactly stop to ask her at   
the precise moment she threw the stick at me, because at   
that very precise moment, I was standing off against a   
really big, ugly, half-machine half-something that wanted to   
kill me.  
  
Well, the nice, black kitty told me to hold it up and   
say "Jupiter Power!" and I, being the angry, idiotic   
fourteen year old, did.  
  
It felt so very right... you could never understand   
how right everything seemed after I had shouted those words,   
when the thunder and lightning was envading my system with   
it's power. I felt like a goddess, a goddess that was having   
a very good day.  
  
But underneath that, I still didn't want it. Like   
Usagi, even though I'd never been one, I still wanted to be   
the average teenager, who's worst nightmare was a zit on   
prom night, not a bloodthirsty monster at 2:00 a.m. in the   
morning.  
  
And we did get a lot of those, you know. And I'm not   
talking about the zits.  
  
After that, I kept talking out my henshin stick and   
glaring at it.   
  
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY DATES I BROKE AND HOW   
MANY POTENTIAL BOYFRIENDS I LOST BECAUSE OF THAT THING?! HOW   
MANY TIMES I *DIED* BECAUSE OF THAT THING?!  
  
Of course, I get the fabulous looks, the demi-  
immortality, and the skirt that makes any guy fall to their   
knees and worship me, but IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I CAN'T EVEN   
GO ON A DATE BECAUSE KUNZITE OR COONAN OR MIMMETTE DECIDES, Oh, golly-gee, Mr. All Powerful Evil Force that I love and obey even though your plans are completely stupid, not considering the usually boyfriendless Makoto Kino is out on the dream date of her pathetic little existance, let's piss her off really badly because  
IT'S A GREAT TIME TO SEND OUT A YOUMA!!  
  
Sorry if I'm scaring you. Some people say I've got a   
nasty temper.  
  
As morbid as it sounds, I learned to love pain. Each   
fight, each time, there would be pain. And I couldn't very   
well break down into tears everytime I felt it.  
  
Absorbing the pain, letting it spread, and then using   
my own strength, not Jupiter's, to absorb it into my mind   
and let it vanish. Pain can be exquisite. Fortunatly, unlike   
what I know Hotaru does, I don't obsess over it. I try to   
forget it as soon as it's gone.  
  
It's hard to do sometimes. Because sometimes, I just   
want to let it overwhelm me and take me with it to the hell   
where I know I will finally be taken to, sometime, in the   
distant, or not so distant, end.  
  
Hey! Enough with the serious stuff! I was complaining,   
not telling you about my death wishes!  
  
Luna! Man, she is a slavedriver. If that cat was human   
during World War II, I know she would have been right up   
there shouting commands and cursing them all with every   
deity she knew (I've seen her do it, the list is about   
twelve miles long and *very* scary) when the Japanese lost   
the war.  
  
Artemis is better. He's more mellow and laid-back....   
until you've got a crisis. And then he's like Oprah after   
two hundred cups of coffee. Let me tell you, that is   
frightening to think about, let alone deal with.  
  
I'm not allowed to complain about the senshi. Haruka   
will dice me and Rei will fry me into a piece of KFC extra   
crispy.  
  
Okay, what is the point of this rant, exactly? Well,   
it's a *very* interesting story, and it kind of began with   
Minako and I staring at Motoki...  
  
  
  
~'~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was innocent, I swear. What fourteen year old girl   
would not take precious time out of her busy schedule to   
stare at the local arcade dream hunk? Especially when that   
dream hunk has thick, sandy golden hair and sparkling green   
eyes, and a body made for fanstacys? And that dream hunk   
seems to think you like him as an older brother so he   
actually notices you exist and talks to you?  
  
"And Usagi-chan is absolutely crazy over Tuxedo Kamen-  
sama, and that's why when Cye-kun asked her to the dance she   
said no." Minako was talking about last night's dance, which   
none of our group attended except her. "So then Cye-kun   
asked me. Sure, I was angry that he didn't ask me first, but   
I went anyway."  
  
"Wow, and what did Usagi-chan say?" Motoki asked.  
  
I took up the conversation, smiling fabulously.  
  
"Oh, she was happy for Minako-chan, we all were. I   
wish I could have gone. But I'm taller than all the boys my   
age, none of them will ask me." But you, Mr. Gorgeous, are   
just the right height for me.  
  
"Oh, that's too bad, Mako-chan. Maybe in a few years   
you'll be looking up to them." He said apologeticly.  
  
Damn you, take the hint!  
  
Minako smiled victoriously at me.  
  
"Ah, Mako-chan's always gonna be tall. Me? I'm the   
right height for any guy, but better suited to a guy perhaps   
around *your* height?"  
  
Motoki nodded, and I seethed at Minako  
  
"You know, my friend Mamoru-kun is just my height, and   
single. I could ask for you--"  
  
Minako's face fell, and it took all my will power not   
to crow in triumph.  
  
"Motoki-san, how *is* Rika-san?" I asked. Motoki's   
face went from happy-go-lucky to is-my-grave-ready-yet in   
point two seconds.  
  
"Oh, did I say something wrong?" I was genunily   
worried. Really.   
  
"Rika-san called the other day--- we're over."  
  
I saw the faintest edges of a smile on Minako's lips   
as we both comforted him. I knew I was ready to stand up and   
dance and yell "I'VE FINALLY GOT A CHANCE!" but we couldn't   
exactly to that when he was right in front of us.  
  
We were still 'comforting' Motoki when the really big,   
really nasty, really pissed off youma burst in through the   
door.  
  
JUST WHEN I WAS GOING TO MAKE A MOVE!  
  
We were the only people in the Arcade. The youma was   
blocking the only exit. And worst of all, it was eyeing us   
the way Usagi eyes a peice of strawberry cheesecake.  
  
And I have always pitied that poor cheesecake.  
  
Minako and I really and truely had no choice, because   
the youma had started to pounce. It was pure instinct as we   
both reached out for our power.  
  
"Jupiter Power Make up!"  
  
"Venus Power Make up!"  
  
I caught the expression of pure and utter shock and   
realization on Motoki's face before the lightning enclosed   
me.   
  
Hoo boy, we were going to have a lot of explaining to   
do after we dusted Mr. Tall Dark and Ugly.  
  
"Crescent Beam!"  
  
"Supreme Thunder!"  
  
It took twenty minutes, a countless number of Crescent   
Beams, curses, and Supreme Thunders to make that youma die.   
That's very annoying. Not so much as draining as it is   
annoying to throw a thunder bolt at it and it actually have   
the balls to *laugh* at you.   
  
And finally, it was a pile of dust bunnies on the   
floor.   
  
Sailor Venus struck up the conversation again.  
  
"So, Motoki-chan, any luck finding a girlfriend?"  
  
He gave us both a long, hard look.  
  
Now, any other person would have fainted. I was   
actually counting on Motoki to faint. You know all those   
stories people write about us? And the part where someone   
sees us transform, those person/persons are supposed to   
faint.  
  
He, Mr. Gorgeous himself, just slapped himself on the   
forehead, and grinned at both of us.  
  
"I should've guessed, I really should've."  
  
"What?" I yelped. Yelped. Me. Yelping is an Usagi or   
Minako thing. Not me, Makoto.  
  
"Well, you know, *Mako-chan*, you really are like   
Jupiter, and Minako is a dead ringer for Venus."  
  
Minako blushed as we both dehenshined. Her's was   
definatly a compliment. I don't know about mine, but her's,   
damn her, was most assuredly a compliment.  
  
"Yeah, well, Luna says it's a kind of magic that keeps   
people from guessing. Apparently it works." I replied, a   
little steamed about his words.  
  
"Luna... Usagi's cat? Then that would make Usagi..."  
  
Sailor Moon.  
  
That shocked him. Dammit, we freaking TRANSFORMED two   
inches FROM HIS NOSE and when he puts TWO AND TWO together   
and figures out who our leader is, HE FALLS DOWN!  
  
Well, he caught the counter in time to save him the   
indignity from hitting the floor, but the point is, he was   
shocked.  
  
"Sweet little Usa-chan... is..."  
  
"Sailor Moon, buddy boy." Minako nodded. "Our little   
tiara thrower is your sweet little Usa-chan. And we'd really   
appreciate it if you didn't tell her we trans--"   
  
She was cut off.  
  
"OH MY GODS! IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! THAT MEANS MAMORU   
IS TUXEDO KAMEN!"  
  
We both stared at Motoki.  
  
We were starting to get really good at saying the   
exact same word at the exact same time.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Duh! What, you gyus didn't know? Well, Mamoru-kun is   
totally gone on Usa-chan, and Tuxedo Kamen is obviously gone   
on Sailor Moon. Usagi is Sailor Moon, and thiunk about how   
much Mamoru resembled Tuxedo Kamen--"  
  
He grabbed a king riong from under the conter and   
*LEAPT* over the FOUR FOOT HIGH counter and over at the claw   
machine thingie. He unlocked it and grabbed a Tuxedo Kamen   
plush doll.  
  
"Lookee!" He shouted. "Same black hair. Same eyes.   
Same build. Same attitude!"  
  
It was hard imagining Mamoru as a plush dool, but   
somehow, we did, and everything snapped into place like the   
last piece of a five thousand piece jigsaw puzzle.  
  
"He's right..." Minako whispered. I nodded, not having   
the gall to trust myself to speak.  
  
Dammit, my crush is turning out to be a genius.  
  
"Usagi-chan is going to DIIIIIE!" Minako shouted,   
climbing onto the counter and doing a victory dance,   
singing, "WE'VE GOT THE POWER! OOOH, WE'VE GOT THE POWER!   
SING IT BABE, WE'VE GOT THE POWER!"  
  
I turned to Motoki.  
  
"See what you did?"  
  
"Hey, Motoki-ku... Minako-chan?"  
  
Minako froze, right in the middle of her fifth   
"OOOOH!" and almost fell off the bar. Motoki threw the doll   
back into the machine and locked it, while I gave Mamoru a   
big, goofy smile.  
  
"Konichiwa, Mamoru-san. Minako-chan and I were *just*   
leaving, and well..."  
  
"MAMORU-KUN! GUESS WHO MAKO--"  
  
He didn't get the rest of his sentence out. Minako and   
I both dove at him. I put my hands over his mouth while   
Minako pinned him up against the wall.  
  
"Not a word of any of it."  
  
"Act normal."  
  
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING." We whispered furiously.  
  
He nodded, looking scared.  
  
We all looked to Mamoru, who had taken a tentive seat   
at the counter.  
  
"If you're busy..."  
  
"NO! Not at all! You see, Motoki was going to say   
something about Mako-chan that we WANT TO KEEP A SECRET, so   
we'll just be going now, and TRUST MOTOKI NOT TO SAY   
*ANYTHING*." Minako said, smiling sweetly at Motoki.  
  
"Yeah, because I really wouldn't want it getting out."   
I said, glaring.   
  
We both left, praying Motoki could keep his mouth   
shut.  
  
Ami really should have been there. She would have   
remembered about the...  
  
  
  
~'~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT THE SECURITY CAMERAS?!!?!"  
  
I dodged the very thick chemistry book.  
  
Now, Ami is a very sweet, kind, gently, non-violent   
girl.  
  
Or at least, she was, until she saw the headlines of   
every paper Tokyo distributed.  
  
"Well, we were too busy with Motoki-san." Minako said   
apologeticly, yelping as a physics book caught her leg.  
  
Rei had left the room, and suspicious sounding   
explosions were going on in the fire room. Usagi, thank God,   
was at home, listening to Luna rant.  
  
We were facing the full wrath of Mizuno Ami. "We"   
being Minako and I.  
  
"YOU JUST EXPOSED YOUR TRUE IDENITY TO THE WORLD AND   
YOU WERE TOO BUSY WITH MR. SMILE?!"  
  
Did I mention Artemis was at our little party, using   
claws and teeth to full advantage.  
  
"Well, after he figured out who Usagi was, we had a   
time keeping his voice down, and Minako started dancing--   
OW! I'M BLEEDING, YOU STUPID CAT!"  
  
"IDIOTS! THE CAMERAS! THEY'RE IN EVERY SINGLE SHOP   
FROM HERE TO MAINE AND YOU FORGOT ABOUT THEM BECAUSE MOTOKI   
WAS YELLING ABOUT USAGI AND MINAKO WAS DANCING!"  
  
That's it, I'm all for book burning.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Ami shoved the paper in my face. Right across the   
front page, in very large, very bold letters, was "AINO   
MINAKO AND KINO MAKOTO DISCOVERED AS SAILOR SENSHI".  
  
Underneath was a color photo of us in mid-  
transformation.  
  
"Yeah, so they caught my bad side. Ami, you realize   
that this could be great publicity? Sailor V revealed as   
Sailor Venus? Chef protogee is Sailor Jupiter?" Minako asked   
innocently.  
  
Artemis yelled a phrase I'm seriously not going to   
repeat and be able to keep this below an 'R' rating.  
  
"Hey, where did you get that?" Minako's face was   
flushed. "Gee, Artemis, you know, we're minors."  
  
"I DON'T CARE!"  
  
"Oh, man." Ami stopped yelling. "Do yuo realize that   
they're going tot alk to our friends? We are always   
together. They'll out two and two... this temple will be   
flanked by reporters..."  
  
"Did I mention that Mamoru-san is Tuxedo Kamen?"  
  
Artemis froze. Ami made a choking noise.  
  
"What?"   
  
A low, dangerous whisper came from the doorway.  
  
We all looked up to see Rei. Well, actually, Sailor   
Mars holding a ball of fire. Holding a ball of orange and   
red fire like a softball in her gloved hand.  
  
Ready to throw it.  
  
"Yeah! You see, Motoki-san figured it out." I looked   
nervously at the flames. "You know, Rei, we had to protect   
Motoki-san."  
  
"We couldn't very well let him get *drained*." Minako   
added.  
  
We both screamed and jumped out the window as Rei   
began doing what she does best--  
  
Throwing fire...  
  
  
  
~'~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Which was a lot less than what Luna did.   
  
We were beginning to wish we were back at Rei's when   
Luna found us. I will swear it to the gods, that cat is   
SCARY.  
  
She and Usagi both yelled at us for a while. When we   
finally convinced them it was a must do, and after we   
escaped from the "OH MY GOD IT'S THE SENSHI!" mob, we were   
forced to explain to friends and family etc who and what we   
were.  
  
But that's really a story for another day, especially   
the part where Mamoru and Usagi come face to face with the   
knowledge of the other's alias.  
  
Another day, anothr bottle of asprin.  
  
And thus ends my rant.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> Ami's Arguement is the sequel, look for it, k? And you see the empty box right below this? *goes into Zero-System Relena mode* RIGHT SOMETHING IN IT! NOW!


End file.
